Until Distance Do Us Apart
by Opal Koboi and Emerald eyes
Summary: Right before James Potter moved to America, he made an oath with his best friend to always be friends, no matter how far apart they are. But things don't turn out according to his plans. Why didn't his best friend keep her side of the bargain? AU LJ
1. All there was to it

**All There Was To It**

James's P.O.V

Seventeen.

What do you know for sure at seventeen?

Who your friends are? No. They could be lying to you.

Who your parents are? No. They could be lying to you.

Who you are? No. You could be lying to yourself.

So excluding society affairs. What do you know?

That leaves are green? That the sun is yellow? That the sea is blue?

No.

Nothing is certain. Leaves can turn brown. The sun can turn orange. Even the sea can turn green.

At seventeen, I knew nothing. Nothing was totally correct. I didn't mind, there was nothing I could know for sure and there was nothing I could do about it. The only thing I didn't know and I hated not knowing was who my friends were. Three years away from your friends can do that to you.

I went to the American Academy For Magical Studying since the age of fourteen, when I had to move to northern America because my dad was reassigned. He was an Auror. It was awful saying goodbye to my friends but my father allowed me to go back to Hogwarts for my last year. That's what I kept telling myself over and over again to make the departure less tearful. Not that I was going to cry, I wasn't the type.

My parents informed me of their plans a month before they were due at the American Ministry Of Magic. That day I sent owls to my four best friends and for the following thirty days, I was the happiest guy alive. We didn't talk about it but I knew that once I would be gone our friendship would waver. We would be too many miles apart.

/-/-/-/-

A day before the departure I was sitting in my backyard, on the ground, by myself. It was a full moon night and three of my best friends were, sort of, 'busy'. When I told my parents earlier that day that I planned to stay at my friend's, Remus, house for the night they didn't allow it. Their excuse? 'You haven't packed all your stuff Jamesie'. Like they couldn't wave their wands and everything would be ready in a second.

So that's how I turned out lying on hard soil at nine thirty at night.

"Hey, Potter".

I looked up and saw one of my best friends grinning at me.

"I thought you would be out with the other boys tonight" she said, sitting down next to me.

"My parents wanted me to pack my stuff," I said bitterly.

"Like they couldn't wave their wands and everything would be ready in a second".

I smiled. That girl was too much like me.

"So, excited about the trip?"

I gave her a look that spoke more clearly than any words I could've said.

She laughed. "Yah, I guess you wouldn't be. But try to be a bit more optimistic, or the next three years would be hell for you".

I blinked. Three years. It sounded like such a long time. I looked at her. "Lily".

She looked at me and her expression tore me apart. She tried to be cheerful, but I could tell she knew that things wouldn't be the same.

"I don't want us to stop being friends. Ever".

She just stared at me for a moment, not saying a thing. "I don't want us to stop being friends either".

We were both silent for a few seconds.

"Lets make an oath" Lily said suddenly.

"What oath?"

"Lets swear that we will never let distance bring us apart. No matter how far away we are from each other, we won't let it stop us from being friends".

It meant the world to me that she cared enough to suggest it. Taken seriously, it meant taking our will power to the extreme. Obviously, I agreed.

The departure the day after was calm. They all came to say goodbye. Even Remus, who was supported slightly by Lily. A second before the portkey was activated, I looked into Lily's eyes and our oath went through my mind. Lily's words as clear in my memory as though she had just spoken them.

And then she was gone.

/-/-/-/-/

The next three years were dull. Well, not completely. For the first eight months I exchanged letters with the other Marauders and Lily. Things were good. I missed all of them terribly but there was nothing I could do about it.

About my American school… Well, I hung out with a few guys but I wouldn't call them friends. I went out with a few girls but they weren't what I was looking for. I couldn't settle in and I always wanted to go back.

Towards the end of the first April away from England things began to change.

I got a letter from Lily the day before and she wrote to me about a guy that pulled a prank on her and how she was sick of guys and never wanted to go out with anyone ever again and that she will die an old maid with me as her only friend. It amused me.

Lily couldn't stay single for five minutes. She was like me. She never took them seriously though. Every guy was a passing amusement. She always said that she preferred sitting on a tree talking to me than hanging out with them. She always preferred me.

That was my mistake. I started thinking differently about her since she sent me that letter. Obviously, once I realized where my thoughts were going I panicked. She was my best friend! I couldn't think about her that way. Those were just Sirius's thought going through my mind; he always teased us about being so close.

But it was no use. I was hooked. After a few hours my responding letter was finished, 'soaked' with my feelings for her and I sent it. I waited. I waited days, then weeks, then months. I never stopped waiting for her reply, but it didn't come. She never wrote back and I didn't write to her again.

I still wrote to the Marauders. I got all kinds of versions whenever I would ask about Lily. 'She is doing good', 'She had a bit of a cold the other day', 'She got a perfect score for her last charms essay'. It was obvious they knew what was going on but they didn't mention it, so neither did I. I trusted them, if they didn't write about it they probably had a good reason.

It became a routine. I would get a letter every morning. I would go to class. I would hang out with my, dare I say it, friends. I would write my response at night and that's all there was to it. I didn't visit the guys during the holydays. Like I said, dull.

I wasn't too excited about going back to England at august. I went to the American Ministry Of Magic, got a portkey to a side street close to my house and walked from there. My parents let me go after I convinced them that as a seventeen-year-old I would have no problem getting by for a few days by myself. I would be going back to Hogwarts a few days later anyway.

I got to the house at about seven PM. I went to the living room and I had just opened the door-

"SURPRISE!"


	2. Dodging

**Dodging**

I jumped. Literally. Even though it took me less than a second to recognize that voice, I will never get used to it's owner's yelling.

"Could you _try_ to calm down for five minutes? You almost gave me a heart attack".

"Stop being such a baby. Besides, you should be used to it".

"Well, I'm not used to it. And stop grinning!"

"I'm happy my best friend is back. The Marauders are complete once again and just in time for the last year".

He started doing his 'Victory Dance'. He always did that after every successful prank.

"Sirius, calm down" said Remus, always the voice of reason.

"Fine" said Sirius, finally stopping jumping around and turning to look at me "Listen. We, being the bestest friends we are; already got you school supplies when we went to Diagon alley last week. And" he went to the desk and picked up an envelope "here is your Hogwarts letter".

"I'll look at it later. I have to unpack first" I said, finally putting my case on the floor.

"No, I mean it. You should read it," said Sirius, looking anxious. I stared at him, suspicious.

"Sirius, what do you know that I don't".

"A good number of things, but that's beyond the point. Open it".

I took the envelope from his hands, hesitantly and opened it, my eyes widening more with every word I read.

"What is this?" I asked when I put down the letter.

"It's your Hogwarts letter," said Peter, lips twitching.

"But, it says…"

"Yah?" said Sirius, smirking.

"I am… But I can't be. I've been gone for three years, how is that possible?"

"It's possible, so stop being so disbelieving" said Sirius, impatient as always "Come on, we're going to Hogsmeade".

"That was random," commented Peter.

"Hogsmeade?" I asked.

"Yah, to celebrate" said Sirius like it was obvious.

"You like the fact that I'm Head Boy?" I asked astonished.

"No, of course not. It's to celebrate you're back. About you being Head Boy… We'll talk to Dumbledore when we get to Hogwarts. There has to be some mistake".

"We're not going to Hogsmeade," said Remus suddenly, looking serious.

"What do you mean we're not going?" asked Sirius frowning.

"Sirius. We're _not_ going," said Remus, raising his eyebrows at Sirius significantly.

I looked at the two of them, not understanding what the hell was going on. Sirius's eyes widened slightly.

"We're not going," said Sirius, staring alarmed at Remus.

"What are you talking about?" said Peter, looking at them confused. Remus turned to look at him.

"Peter, let's talk for a second" he said, dragging Peter to the next room.

I stared after them bewildered. After a moment I noticed Sirius walking to the kitchen and I turned to look at him, eyes narrowed.

"Sirius" I said, following him to the kitchen.

"How about a drink?" I had to give him credit; he was acting really cool and calm. But I knew him for three years and he hadn't changed since, I could tell when he was trying to avoid a subject.

"Sirius, cut it out and give me a real answer," I snapped. He finally turned to look at me.

"Really, I mean it. It's nothing, just let it go" he didn't exactly look at me in the eyes when he said that "here have… have a Butterbeer".

I let it go, for the time being. If they didn't tell me by now, it meant something serious was going on and I was going to find out what.

**AN:** I'm sooooooo sorry! Most of you got it right, I DID post the wrong chapter and I almost died of embarrassment when I realized it. That chapter was for one of my other story, In Fear Of A Life. Again, I'm so sorry. I hope you liked this chapter.


	3. Startling Image

**Startling Image**

Eventually I had to go to Diagon Alley myself to get new robes and the second I told Sirius, Remus and Peter where I was going, they insisted on accompanying me. I didn't think much of it at first, but once we got there I noticed that they kept looking around, as though expecting a bludger to suddenly attack them in the middle of the alley.

I decided to comment on it when Sirius almost cracked his neck by turning his head to quickly after he heard a dead tree branch break.

"Sirius".

He turned his head to look at me even more quickly than before. "Is there something wrong". He said that very quickly and his voice was higher than usual.

I stared at him suspiciously. "My words exactly. What's wrong with you lot?"

He coughed for a few moments before answering. "Nothing's wrong. Why, does it look like something's wrong? Where did you get that idea?"

I stared at him for a while but didn't comment on their odd behavior. I was going to find out sooner or later. And it looked like sooner by the way Peter was behaving: opening his mouth every ten seconds just to get an elbow in his ribs, courtesy of Sirius.

After I got my robes and a few books I needed, all four of us sat at an ice-cream parlour. The other three seemed more relax, but still tense.

"Okay, now do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius replied quickly, beads of sweat forming just above his eyebrows.

"You lot have been acting weird for some time now, not to mention you're being really obvious about it. Whatever it is I'm going to find out about it sooner or later, so why not just tell me now?"

"In this case 'later' is better than 'sooner'. OWWW!" Peter finally managed to say something only to receive two elbows in his ribs and two identical glares.

"C'mon, what is this about?"

"Nothing. Say, did you see the Falcons' last game?"

I gave Remus a pointed look for that poor attempt to change the subject, but I still went along with it. How bad could this be anyway?

It was about half an hour of mindless chatting later, that I noticed something that caused my heart to stop beating.

A redhead was coming out of a bookstore, staring at a book in her hands. I immediately recognized her, obviously. She was more beautiful than ever. Her hair was shorter, cut just above her shoulders. She was taller as well. Her eyes were still the same though. Light, sparkling green.

I felt three years of longing bursting through me, the only thing that was stopping me from jumping out of my chair and running to her was the shock at the abruptness of the situation. I was just about to do just that when I saw a guy I vaguely recognized as a Ravenclaw coming up behind Lily and kissing her on the cheek.

I frowned, anger and jealousy consuming me. My frown only deepened when Lily turned and smiled at him and I stopped breathing altogether when she kissed him back. On the lips.

At that point, Sirius, Remus and Peter noticed my silence and all three of them turned around in their seats to see what I was glaring at. I didn't expect their reactions.

Sirius bit his bottom lip and frowned. Remus sighed and slowly turned around to look at me, looking worried. Peter paled and stared at his shoes.

It was possible that what they were dodging from telling me was just that.

I cleared my throat and they all looked at me.

"Let's go to my house. The three of you have a lot of explaining to do".

* * *

"They have been going out for two and a half years and through all that time and all those letters you sent me you weren't able to mention it?"

I was angrier than ever, it took all my will power not to punch at least one of them.

"We thought it would be better if you didn't find out until you got here, so you could deal with it properly. Besides, It's hardly something I would want you to find out about in a letter".

I stared at Sirius incredulously. "What do you mean 'deal with it properly'?"

"Well…"

"It's more complicated than you realize" Remus intervened "We don't know all the details ourselves. We didn't want you to develop a false idea about the situation. It's better to discuss it face to face".

"How did it happen?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"We don't know" Peter mumbled instantly.

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? It had to start somewhere, right? It's not like one spring day they suddenly started dating".

"Actually, it's exactly like that" said Sirius.

It took a moment for that statement to sink in. I frowned and stared at Sirius. "What are you talking about?"

"He's right, it was very sudden," said Remus "One day they just walked hand in hand to the great hall for breakfast and sat together at the Ravenclaw table, as though they do this everyday".

"I think it was about April 20th, or 21st," said Sirius as an afterthought.

I froze. April 20th was the day she was supposed to receive my last letter. Could it have been possible that she was so angry with me for ruining our friendship that she started going out with that guy just to spite me? I immediately disregarded that possibility. Lily wasn't like that.

"You don't anything about the situation?" I asked, desperate.

"No" said Peter, looking quite sullen for such an oblivious person in general. Suddenly he brightened, looking anxious. "But her friends do".

Lily had, besides us four, two other friends in Gryffindor. Two girls she shared a dorm room with. They never got along well with Sirius, Remus, Peter and I. Especially Sirius.

"They do know what's going on" agreed Sirius "at least more than us. But they weren't very cooperative when we politely asked them about it".

Remus raised an eyebrow and looked at Sirius. "Politely?"

"Yah, I was perfectly polite," said Sirius, sounding offended.

Remus just stared at him.

"Okay, so I guess I shouldn't have threatened them to tell to us".

Remus still stared.

"Or interrupted their conversation".

Remus still stared.

"Or said those four-letter words".

"Basically, it wasn't polite" commented Peter.

"Obviously" I said dryly.

"I'm sure they'll give in after some begging," said Sirius.

I stared at him surprised he would suggest it. He never liked apologising, especially to girls. He gave a long speech about the superiority of men to women in second year in the common room and probably would have gone on forever if Lily hadn't kicked him, rightfully contradicting his entire speech without saying a word.

"_You're_ suggesting we beg to girls?"

He looked at me as though I've gone crazy. "No. I'm suggesting _you_ beg to girls".

I should have seen that coming.

**AN:** Hey 'whoever-is-still-reading-this-fic'. I will be gone for a while; I'm going to the U.S, YAY! I'll be back sometime in august and I'll try to get some extra writing done while I'm there. I hoped you like this chapter and, again, I'm sooo sorry for confusing the chapters.


	4. Devastation And Destruction

**Devastation And Destruction**

Maril Street and Patrisha Adams.

There was nothing I had to say about them. I mean, I had a lot to say about them but nothing that I _would_ say when asked. It was habit.

Before I went to America, every time the duo would come up in a conversation, I only had bad things to say about them. Lily would then give me a look and I would shut up, feeling guilty.

I did try to think of something positive to say, but nothing ever came up. Those two are just the most interfering, annoying… See? Even in my mind I can see Lily's face, glaring at me and I just have to shut up. The phrase 'If you don't have something nice to say then shut up' (or something like that), was practically imprinted into my mind.

I would only say what I really thought of those two when I was alone with Sirius, Remus and Peter, but I stopped talking about the duo altogether halfway into my first year. Lily's gaze was shooting daggers at me and I couldn't stand the guilt of doing something she hated behind her back.

Sirius, Remus and Peter knew of course how much I disliked those two girls (Sirius even shared that feeling) and they would occasionally drop hints in front of Lily to irritate me. Like: 'Devastation and Destruction are really terrible things'.

Devastation is my nickname for Street and Destruction is my nickname for Adams.

Those nicknames are totally justified. They come from experience. The number of times those two got on my nerves… Take for example my first "conversation" with them since I got back to England:

_King's Cross – Platform 9 ¾_

I had spotted them a second after I got on the platform. Sirius, Remus and Peter followed me but kept quiet and I was grateful. I needed to let out some steam after seeing Lily with Appleby and the duo were the perfect people to aggravate without too many consequences.

It wasn't the happiest of reunions, but there was constant rivalry between the duo and us Marauders as a rule.

I had been trying to get information out of them for quite a while with no luck. Street did try to put in a word every five seconds, but Adams would stamp on her foot every time. I haven't realized how much they resembled Sirius and Peter. My only chance was to get Adams to shut up long enough for Street to string a few words into a sentence and judging by the expression on Street's face, it wouldn't take too long.

"Look, I deserve an explanation. I'm her best friend," I said, losing my temper.

"You mean you _were_ her best friend". It seemed like Street finally managed to string those words.

"RIL!" yelled Adams, glaring and elbowing her friend.

"Sorry!" she responded hastily, massaging her ribs.

"What do you mean I _was_ her best friend?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Look, you don't…"

But she trailed off. Both her and Adams turned deathly pale and stared at something behind me. The guys and I turned around and I came face to face with my newfound enemy: Logan Appleby. We just stared at each other. Five seventeen-year-olds were standing behind him, looking so pale they could've been mistaking for one of the ghosts.

"Friends of yours, honey?" asked a voice I will never forget from behind Appleby. And then she was there, facing me for the first time in three years.

Her expression barely changed when she saw me. She just stared at me questionably and I stared at her, shocked at her behavior. After all this time apart I could still easily read her expressions. In that moment I wished I couldn't.

Her green eyes were so pure and sincere, as though she had done no wrong in her entire life. The deep and dignified expression left no doubt in my mind. Her questioning gaze just settled my opinions further; she didn't recognize me.

Apparently, the shock in my expression was clear because Appleby looked at me, suspicious. Probably thought that my friends and the girls would've told me by then. Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

"Oh, you're Head-Boy".

Lily had, obviously, noticed my badge and held out her hand, beaming.

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans, Head-Girl".

"James Potter" I said, taking her hand and shaking it, my entire arm tingling as I did so "It's a pleasure to meet you". Again.

"The pleasure is all mine" she replied, smiling at me, her eyes sparkling.

We stood like that for several seconds. I could've stayed like that forever, holding her hand and staring into her eyes while she smiled at me.

"Lily" said Appleby abruptly.

I noticed his tone was impatient and annoyed and, apparently, Lily noticed too because she hastily dropped my hand and stepped back. Appleby put his arm around her shoulder and I had to bite my tongue to keep from commenting about how possessive he was. He led her down the corridor, making sure to bump into me as he did so. Their gang soon followed and they were gone.

There was silence, except for the chattering in nearby compartments and several sighs of relief from behind me. It seemed that, like me, the others had held their breath. I felt five pairs of eyes staring at me as though they were attached to my skin, but I stayed silent and still.

Street cleared her throat to get our attention and said quietly: Now might be the time, but it's definitely not the place. We'll tell you guys everything once we get to Hogwarts".

I turned to face her abruptly. "No", I said flatly "we'll find an empty compartment and you'll tell us now".

Street's nose twitched in annoyance. "For that, I have two comments. One: I don't take orders from anyone. Two: You better use the free time you have here to work on being more patient; If you're going to try and get Lily back, that's one thing you are going to need".

AN: Three points:

1 – I can't believe J.K. killed… that person… Although I kind of saw it coming. And the half-blood prince's identity surprised me.

2 – I am sooooo embarrassed about the mix up with the chapters. Let me know about any more mistakes (I'm not the most observent of people).

3 – Guess what? I'M BACK!


	5. Living the Wildlife

**Living the wildlife**

****

"You know what happens when a duckling emerges from its egg?"

I stared at Adams for a few second before responding: "What's with the pointless remark?"

"It's NOT pointless!" replied Street, sounding aggravated.

"Since we are the only ones in this tower who are aware of the details of this situation" remarked Adams calmly "I suggest that you shut up and listen".

I rolled my eyes. I was thoroughly impatient with all the secrecy. We had arrived at school already and after waiting for the bloody feast to end for what seemed like hours, I now had to endure a lecture on wildlife behavior.

"Well?" said Street impatiently.

I thought back to their question and said the first thing that came to my mind: "It sees its mum?"

"And…" drawled Street, sounding so patronizing I had to restrain my hands behind my back to prevent myself from reaching to my wand and performing the most powerful jelly-leg curse I know.

Remus seemed to sense my obvious inner struggle, because h hastily replied: "And it attaches itself to her?"

"Exactly" said Adams, sounding pleased.

"What does duck behavior have to do with anything?" asked Sirius, looking bewildered.

"It's a phenomenon that can be found in people too" replies Street.

"Mostly with people who have brain damage" added Adams "And that's exactly our problem".

"Lily has lost her memory," announced Street casually.

My mind froze, as did every action except for breathing, which simply slowed down, but I couldn't stay in shock; It wouldn't be useful to Lily.

Of course, breaking the news to me gently wouldn't have been an option with the sadistic duo. There was always enmity between us Marauders and those two, which was the reason people were so surprised when Lily befriended both groups. Some people thought that the duo sent her to spy on us. Others thought that Sirius and I were in love with the duo and that we sent Lily to get them to go out with us. Oh, the horrors…

The truth was that Lily befriended us first. She sat with us on the train to Hogwarts and stayed with us during the feast and that night she met the duo as they were sharing a dorm with her. Both groups liked her and neither one wanted to let her go, despite her appalling taste in female friends.

That's why I was less patient with those two then usual. One of the thousand explanations I had for Lily not writing to me was that the duo finally convinced her that being friends with us wasn't worth the exhaustion of dancing between two groups.

Now that things were getting clearer it was still difficult to forgo more than two years of ill wishing, it didn't matter now though: I had a bigger Slytherin to jinx.

Disregarding all emotion, I turned business-like. I was like that whenever I was face with a challenge. And this particular challenge, was more important than any other.

First: Background knowledge.

"How exactly did it happen?" I asked monotonously.

"Well, we weren't there" said Adams delicately "but by all accounts, Logan was dueling with some Slytherin and everyone knows hoe nervous he gets because he is insecure of his abilities".

"Anyway, apparently he tried to hex the Slytherin but messed up the incantation, whatever it was, not to mention his aim was totally off. Basically, he hit Lily who happened be in the same corridor at the time. She was thrown back by the hex, hit the wall behind her and fainted".

I twitched with unease at that point, thinking of how painful that must've been for Lily.

"Lily regained consciousness a couple of hours later in the hospital wing. During those hours, Marlin, very stupidly I might add" Adams voice was getting more annoyed by the second "got into a yelling match with Logan who already felt guilty and didn't need-"

"I can't believe you're defending him after what he did to us" interrupted Street and glared at Adams.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius quickly, suddenly looking alarmed.

"What did he do to you?" added Remus, frowning.

"We're getting to that," said Adams soothingly "From that point onwards, it was all pure bad luck. Ril and I were sitting on one side of Lily's bed and Logan was standing on the other when Lily began stirring. Unfortunately, when she opened her eyes, she saw Logan".

"This is where the duckling business comes in" interjected Street bitterly.

"Lily fell in love with Logan instantly" said Adams in a quiet, but clear, voice.

There was total silence. Everyone seemed to wait for my reaction, but there was nothing to see. I remained expressionless and silent, fearing what I might do when I let those words sink in.

I mentally shook myself. 'Lily doesn't need shock on my part'.

"Why didn't you tell her the truth?" asked Sirius - my thoughts exactly.

"We tried to," said Street quickly, obviously having anticipated that question.

"But Lily trusts Logan and no one else's word matters. He immediately contradicted us, saying that the Slytherin he was dueling with hit Lily with the jinx and that we just wanted to hurt because we were jealous" explained Adams bitterly.

"Lily doesn't trust us, so we haven't talked to her of that matter since then" added Street miserably.

"We did try to just be her friends but Logan said something to her and put an end to it".

There was a brief silence before Adams spoke again, after exchanging a look with Street. "Logan came to see us several days later while Lily was out on the grounds. He warned us not to try and befriend her".

* * *

…" It'll only make her think worse of you and upset her" concluded Logan matter-of-factly.

"Fine" snapped Street "We won't try to tell her the truth again. But why won't you let us befriend her?"

Logan looked questionably at her with a raised eyebrow and an amused spark in his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, sounding almost sincere "She knows the truth". With that said he walked away, looking oddly calm and peaceful.

* * *

"Every time we would confront him, on the rare occasion he wasn't attached to Lily's hip, he would give us the same answer and sounding more sincere every time" said Adams, bitterly amused, "I think he is trying to mess with our minds, make us think it is the truth".

"Yes, well, that's not happening any time soon" commented Street "But if he's not careful, he'll end up believing it himself"

"Now there is no way it can get any worse," said Sirius darkly.

"Actually, it can" replied Adams reluctantly.

Street and Adams exchanged a nervous look and then there was silence, longer than the previous one, before Street spoke determinedly.

"The problem is we don't know if we should tell her the truth".

I frowned, staring at the two girls. What the hell were they talking about?

Sirius seemed to think along the same line, since he said angrily: "What the hell are you talking about?"

Remus appeared to be the only one who understood what was going on. He sighed and nodded slightly. I rolled my eyes in irritation.

"Now is not the time for bloody guessing games?" I snapped, "What's going on? Why don't you want to tell her the truth?"

"Because she's happy" said Street, Adams, Remus and, surprisingly, Peter all at once.

"They make each other happy" added Peter nervously.

"Before that day, Logan was always nervous and backed away whenever the leader of his group of friends had the spotlight" explained Adams.

"And Lily would go from guy to guy as though they were socks" said Street with a roll of her eyes and an amused smile.

"Now Logan is cooler and calmer and is even the leader of his group".

"And Lily makes more effort in everything. One of the reasons, I think, she was made prefect and now head-girl".

"They are almost always together and when they are, Logan's arm is around her shoulder"

"Every afternoon, unless there's a test the next day, they hang out with their group and they go on dates every Hogsmeade weekend"

"They often go to Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade during the summer as well" interjected Remus quietly, looking into my eyes and I got the hint. That's why they were so nervous…

There was, again, silence.

This time I was the only one who could break it. Everything was told and they were awaiting my reaction.

"But it's not real", I said slowly after a moment "She would want to know the truth. She always did".

"That's true," said Street.

"Besides her attachment to Logan, she seems the same," added Adams.

"Her hobbies changed, but her personality seems unchanged".

"Wait" said Sirius suddenly and everyone turned to look at him. "Not all her hobbies changed. When you said toy talked to Appleby while Lily was out on the grounds…" he trailed off, but I knew what he was talking about.

"What exactly was she doing?" I asked, trying not to get my hopes up.

Street's and Adams's eyes widened simultaneously and they turned to face each other. There was a split-second silence before they both screamed excitedly: "Ice Skating!"

The girls hugged each other, jumping and squealing. Peter looked slightly reminiscent, Remus smiled watching the girls and Sirius and I exchanged a smirk.

To anyone else, it would've seemed strange that we would get excited about Lily skating, but it was different to us. It was a step in the right direction. It meant there was still hope for getting her back.

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**AN:** VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT!

Pg. 116 (American version) of the order of the phoenix. In the last paragraph, it was written that there was "a heavy locket that none of them could open".

According to the popular theory of R.A.B.'s identity, Regulus Black is the one who stole the real horcrux. What if Slytherin's locket is the locket mentioned above?

I take full credit for that particular addition to the Regulus BlackR.A.B theory.

And now to a very unrelated topic: I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, but I have been engrossed with my other story.

F.Y.I – the 'I had a bigger Slytherin to jinx' line, is like 'I had a bigger fish to fry'


	6. Humiliation and History

**Humiliation and History**

"Come on, give it a try," I said, trying not to laugh.

"I told you I'm terrible at this," said Lily, trying to keep her balance.

It was early December in my third year at Hogwarts and a Hogsmeade weekend. I somehow managed to talk Lily into going ice-skating with me on a nearby pond and, well, I could say with confidence that I have never seen her as graceful as she was then.

"Careful" I said, catching her as she tripped. Naturally, she glared at me.

"I'm standing in knifes, on a two inch layer of ice, above very deep cold water because _you_" she pushed me slightly "made me. And now _you _are telling _me_ to be careful?"

I pretended to think about it, enjoying every second of seeing her face reddening. "Um… yes" I eventually said, not able to resist a smirk.

She gaped at me and blinked a few times in silence, while my smile was widening.

After a moment I asked: "What?"

She continued to stare at me silently for a few seconds before answering slowly. "I can't believe I'm still standing here, taking this torture _for you_, while you're laughing at me". She turned to leave and slipped again, this time taking me with her.

I was the one gaping in disbelieve this time, but Lily wasn't just smirking. She burst out laughing.

I turned on my side slightly and stared at her. "What is so funny?" She seemed incapable of putting two words together for laughing. After a moment she stopped laughing but couldn't keep a smile off her face as she replied.

"I hate skating. And here I am, falling on my butt for the one-hundredth time today, for you, the alternative being a date with the cutest Hufflepuff in Hogwarts".

"You know you'd rather hang out with me," I teased, poking her side.

"I know I would," she said, looking quite serious. "Annoying you is much more fun". I rolled my eyes at her avoidance of letting things get serious. "But you should feel honored" she added with a fake note of self-importance to her voice.

"And why is that?" I asked, waiting for a smart-ass answer.

"I would never do anything I don't want to do for anyone besides you".

* * *

During the first two weeks of my seventh year, I would dream of that day every night. I was partly pleased about that. Happy because I knew I meant something to her and sad because I didn't mean anything to her anymore. I was now just head-boy, some guy she had to work with.

But the fact that she was still ice-skating was definitely an encouraging start. She still didn't like it, but she still skated. I hoped more than thought that in her subconscious there was still at least a vague memory of me.

I was sitting at the Gryffindor table, watching discreetly as Lily argued with Appleby at the Ravenclaw table. I could barely make out their voices. Who argues so quietly anyway?

"… I told the others all of us are hanging out today. That's supposed to include you" Appleby was saying, with an annoyed tone to his voice.

"I am coming today, I'll just be a little late. You know I skate at least an hour every day" replied Lily sounding determined.

"I don't get why. You don't even like skating".

"But it's important to me". Lily sounded despaired; it was obvious she was trying very hard to make him understand. "I feel like every day I don't skate is a day unfulfilled".

Appleby shook his head and sighed. "Whatever makes you happy, flower" he eventually said, smiling at her and she smiled back.

Seeing them smiling at each other made me feel so jealous, it was like a poisonous knife was stuck in my stomach, spreading pain rapidly throughout my body. It didn't help that when they both got up to leave, Appleby kissed Lily's cheek and put his arm around her shoulders.

"That's the only thing they ever fight about"

I jumped at the unexpected voice and turned to see Adams sitting next to me, staring at Appleby and Lily thoughtfully.

"Ice skating," she added, "That's all they ever fight about. Logan doesn't like the fact that she skates, don't ask me why".

I turned just in time to see Appleby bump into Sirius accidentally. For some reason, Sirius grinned and began talking to Appleby and Lily. It would seem that he was just being friendly, but I knew he was up to something. His grin seemed more mischievous than joyful.

After a moment, I noticed Appleby tense and he held Lily more tightly. Whatever Sirius said had really got to him.

Sirius stopped talking, gave Lily a more genuine smile and walked away. Appleby just stood there for a moment, seemingly frozen, ignoring whatever Lily was saying, or (according to the puzzled expression on her face) asking.

I turned to look at Sirius as Appleby and Lily finally left the great hall. He was sitting down across from me, smirking triumphantly.

"What was that about?" I asked, looking at Sirius suspiciously.

"Oh, just a few casual remarks between enemies" replied Sirius, still smirking.

"Such as?" I asked, wide-eyed from curiosity.

"You know, a few comments on weather, schoolwork" said Sirius casually and then added in a self-satisfied tone of voice: "Memory charms and truth serums".

We both sniggered evilly while Adams stayed silent, watching us.

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves" she said after a moment in a strangled voice "But comments won't get us anywhere. We need to find a solution".

I stopped laughing and sighed. I have searched the library top to bottom for the previous two weeks and found nothing. I even talked professor Slughorn into signing a long list of books in the restricted section, although he refused point blank to let me have any access to any Dark Arts related books. No idea why he was so bothered by it.

There was much information on memory charms. Volumes of Jinxes and hexes and potions to make you lose your memory but not one sentence on how to get it back. It seemed like I needed to manhandle a highly qualified healer to get any sort of information on the subject.

There was this one potion that seemed promising. It was an antidote to a specific kind of forgetfulness hex and could become addicting if used without need, but it was all I had. So, looking up the symptoms of the forgetfulness hex to make sure I wasn't dooming Lily to a rehab center for life, I had begun formulating a plan to get close to Lily without Appleby noticing.

* * *

One prefects meeting was sufficient. Since Appleby wasn't a Ravenclaw prefect, he wasn't around to mess things up. I had a few opportunities to check up the three symptoms.

When Lily turned to ask me a question, I was momentarily dazzled by her striking green eyes but managed to regain concentration and focus on the task at hand.

First symptom: Fogged eyes.

Her eyes were the same as they ever were besides two differences: the permanent laughing spark I remembered so clearly wasn't there and there was a shade of uncertainty.

Unfortunately, from my concentration on searching Lily's eyes, I didn't pay attention to the actual person and missed the question she asked me, which resulted in the abrupt presence of an annoyed Lily for the rest of the meeting.

She always used to say I was the most frustrating breathing ensemble of organs she ever met.

When she bent slightly to write something down, I was able to search for the next symptom. I had to take control of my thoughts before they led me away from my intended purpose, though.

Second symptom: Red circles on chest.

As Lily wasn't wearing a very low-cut top, I had to bend slightly myself to see anything. Fate was against me once more as Lily raised her head at that moment and saw me trying to look down her blouse. Obviously, that didn't go over well and I noticed her hand clutching the paper she was writing on, clearly trying to restrain herself from activating some form of physical violence on me.

As she turned away from me to say something to the prefects with a slightly more forceful voice than usual, I discreetly angled my face to get a good look of her legs. To check for the next symptom of course.

Third symptom: Pointy bones at the back of the right knee.

Lily was standing slightly turned towards me, so I had to turn my head to get a better look. But the movement caught Lily's attention and she glared at me, obviously thinking I was checking out her legs.

So not only did Lily think I'm a pervert, she didn't have any of the symptoms. I was back in square one. Well, at least the prefects were amused

* * *

I believe in miracles.

It was a History of Magic lesson and Binns was being his usual oblivious self, drawling on about Goblin revolutions as background knowledge for some project. I wasn't really listening as he paired students randomly. I was just pondering about what a draw back it would be if Appleby and Lily were paired together when Lily sat down next to me.

I stared at her for a few seconds in amazement until she raised an eyebrow at me, looking amused. "You're sitting… here?" I asked, shocked that she would be within a five-yard radius of me after the disastrous prefect meeting.

"Weren't you listening?" she asked, smirking slightly "We were paired together".

I managed to contain a simpleton-like grin and just pulled a smirk similar to hers. "You don't mind?"

She looked at me up and down, as though considering me and for a moment I could make out a shadow of her old self as she smiled at me mischievously. "I think I can handle being partnered with a pervert," she said playfully.

"Listen, about the meeting…" I began saying awkwardly, but she cut me off.

"It's ok, forget about it," she said seriously, opening the History book at the intended chapter. She looked up from the book and smiled warmly at me. "At least now I know you're weird enough for my taste".

I smiled as she flicked through the pages. She still had the same sense of humor. Maybe getting her memory back wasn't such a lost cause after all. Though judging by the look on Appleby's face as Lily and I bent closer to the book (and, as a result, closer to each other), there were going to be obstacles.

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**AN:** Hey readers! (Oh readers, my readers…)

Well… News – I've updated (as you've most likely deducted and if you haven't… well… coughs nervously and inching towards door to get away from psychos with a twisted sense of reality.

I know, I'm the weird one… as the beginning of the author's note above implies…

Anyway. I've updated (not getting into aforementioned beginning of author's note), but I need incentives guys whines at own laziness. Please, tell me what you think of this fic. Basically, I'm begging you to review since I'm getting disheartened because of the lack of positive feedback I've been getting (for my other story as well, but this isn't a hint :-) ).

This note doesn't matter much, I just feel depressed (ish) because the vacation is almost over and then I have a test in French _and_ in math… :-(

It's sad to say that my author notes are my only form of entertainment. Which is why I'm not saying it, I'm writing it.

See (more like 'write to') you later, guys (and girls).

P.S. – any spelling mistakes are to be ignored, as I am dreadfully tired at six thirty in the evening (afternoon?). Must be the lazy depressed mood…


	7. The First Letter

**The First Letter**

4.16.75

_Dear Jamsie (I know how much you hate me calling you Jamsie. That's why I'm doing it),_

_First of all, don't even try to fool me. That girl you wrote about sounds like an evil… whatever. If you're so sick of her, just dump her and to hell with feelings. I know I sound like an evil… whatever. But I'm like that only at the moment and I have a good excuse._

_Do you remember Joshua Becks, that idiot from Ravenclaw? He pulled a prank on me three days ago, consequently embarrassing me in front of the entire school! Well, maybe not the **entire** school, but quite a large amount of it since it was mid-day **and** in the entrance hall._

_So that's it. I declare war on guys, I'll never go out with another guy again. I'll become an old maid with a decade's worth of cabbage scented soap and you as my only friend._

_Please don't give up on me even after you're a Quidditch star and married to a witch-weekly model with twelve kids and another one on the way._

_Love you forever,_

_Lily. _

_-_

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**AN:** I know... It's taken me ages to update and this chapter is extremely short, but I've been busy with my other fics and this chapter is important to the plot. I'll get back to writing ver soon since I already know what I want to do and I have tuesday (december 27th) to the following monday off because of Hanukka (How do you spell Hanukka anyway?...)

Anyway... Please don't cyber-linch me and I'll try updating sooner and with longer chapters :-) :-) :-)


	8. A Step In The Right Direction

**A Step In The Right Direction**

It was during one of the study sessions for our project when I found the answer to all my problems. Lily was just explaining to me something about why some leader or other of the goblins chose to do something that… well, never mind. I wasn't really listening. Although I was amazed at the amount of material that Lily could memorize. Especially in a subject as boring as History of Magic.

She had always remembered the tiniest of details, that's why it was impossible to trick her; she could always dig around in her memory and she would find a loophole in seconds. It was so weird to watch her, knowing that there was a huge hole in her usually impeccable memory, which she couldn't fill in.

There wasn't a time when Lily hadn't shone in classes. She had always remembered everything she read, after barely glancing at the page.

The Slytherin girls used to say after every potions lesson that she was just memorizing everything and that had nothing to do with being smart. That was just a lack of a social life.

I had to disagree.

Besides the fact that Lily had a very active social life (which made me uneasy whenever she decided to wander off on her own), she was brilliant. There was no denying that she was the smartest student in out year…

And that was when it hit me.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, forgetting that I was in the library.

"Stop being such a drama queen" commanded Lily, leaning back in her chair and observing me with a mildly annoyed expression.

Me!

"A drama queen! You hit me!".

"With quite a feathery quill"

Okay. Maybe I was exaggerating a bit. But I wasn't going to admit it.

"It would've all been fine and well if you hadn't hit me with the _sharp_ end!" I was gaining absolutely nothing by arguing with her. All I needed was for her to get mad and hate me forever…

But she just sat there quietly, smiling slightly as she continued to observe me. It would've unnerved me if it had been anyone but Lily, but seeing as I loved everything about her, including her thinking process, I knew that nothing bad could have been happening.

I sighed in defeat, but I still wasn't going to admit I was exaggerating. She seemed to be reading my mind as she smiled more brightly, her eyes shining with inward laughter.

"What's gotten you all distracted?" she asked after a moment.

Well, I couldn't think of any other solution. Might as well…

And I told her everything.

But not in the exact same way, I was never an idiot.

I used the 'A-Friend-Of-Mine-Has-A-Problem' route.

"… Now she doesn't remember him, she's dating some other guy and my friend doesn't know what to do", I finished, hoping she wouldn't see the connection.

"Well, has he tried telling her the truth?"

Of course she hadn't seen the connection. She was too smitten (falsely so!) to see that her perfect Appleby wasn't so perfect.

"He doesn't want to risk it since her friends had already tried and failed" I explained, starting to feel weird about talking about the whole thing as though it happened to someone else. Even though I wished it had happened to someone else.

"Her parents?" she tried a new approach.

"Too charmed by the new guy" I muttered bitterly as I thought of the owl I had sent them just the week before. I had forgotten that Lily wasn't the only hot-tempered red-head in her family.

Lily sighed in frustration. She seemed really upset about the whole situation.

"Well-" she broke off and her forehead was so furrowed, I though she was going to give herself a migraine. "Maybe I could help".

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Have you ever been to the ministry of magic?" she asked me, looking suddenly enlightened.

I nodded, not wanting to say a word for fear I might burst out laughing for joy.

"There is this amazing li-"

"It's four o'clock"

I looked up and Lily turned around to see (but, of course…) Appleby.

"So?" said Lily calmly.

"Sooo, we were supposed to meet at four"

"I was going to leave in a few moments"

"So you would've let me wait? To spend time with that-"

"I really don't want to hear whatever was going to come out of your mouth just now" her voice was slightly colder and despite the dark atmosphere, I felt suddenly elated. If this were a slightly less serious conversation, it would've looked just like one of our arguments. Lily was definitely still the same person and I was thrilled… but she wasn't fighting with me.

"I wasn't going to swear. Just use a large variety of words, not appropriate for the under sixteen-year-olds population. And some innocent seventeen 'till twenty-year-olds"

Lily would usually, at this point, roll her eyes at me. I wasn't sure if I was happy, or not, that she didn't do the same with Appleby. She simply sighed and began gathering her books.

I could barely stop myself from frowning. Lily gave in…

She swung her book bag's strap over her shoulder.

"I'll talk to you later" she said defiantly.

Or had she given up?

"No, you wo-"

"Yes, I will" interrupted Lily with barely a hint of forcefulness. And they left, his arm, as always, around her shoulder.

I leaned back in my chair thoughtfully, as I rid myself of any thought about how they might be making up after that little row.

Ok, she mentioned the ministry. And something amazing…

I frowned. What could possibly be so amazi-

Ah, of course. The library.

I rolled my eyes with a faint smile as I could clearly hear Sirius berating me horribly about falling for a book fanatic. Although he would probably add some sexually intended sentence, like 'always the quiet ones'. Well, him being a bibliophobic, he would probably get as far away from her as possible before saying or thinking anything.

Getting back to the subject at hand…

Lily thought that something in the _ministry's library_ could help me out? Aside from the fact that I've always disagreed with her in the matter of whether books have the answers to everything or not, the ministry was so incompetent that there was no way that anything coming from there could be helpful.

I was just going to have to wait for her to get away from Appleby and ask her, though it was probably the only way seeing as that's all Lily could come up with.

I was going to go to a library to spend my free time.

Padfoot was going to kill me.

Well, maybe just Avada Kedavra me form afar or get some little first-year to push me off a cliff, since there was no way he would go anywhere near me after I had made contact with books.

I had to find a way to distract him since I was going to have to be around him for a while. With the full moons and the joint custody of the map.

Hmm… something shiny ought to do the trick.


	9. I Love You More and More

**I Love You More and More**

I felt like I could fly.

It was Saturday and Lily and I were going out together. Well, in a way. She had procured Dumbledore's permission for us to go to the ministry for the library there. I couldn't believe things were turning out so well, so soon. When I first realized how bad Lily's situation was, I figured it would take months, but I was sitting at the library, organizing lists of ideas and books for Lily and I to use in our search; we were living that afternoon.

"It's not going to happen"

I looked up so quickly I felt my neck almost snap, but seeing who was standing in front of me, I suddenly thought I'd rather have the snapped neck.

"Her memory is not coming back", said Logan, looking at me with a patronizing expression, as though he knew what was really going on and I was a child with a tantrum, refusing to understand.

"Don't try it Appleby", I said quietly. "Adams and Street already informed me of your mind games".

He was still giving me that look and it reminded me, oddly enough, of the self-conscious preteen I remembered him as.

"Oh, please. Get real!" he was suddenly muttering, appearing less calm all of a sudden.

"What?"

"How can you fall in love with someone through a letter?" and I was stunned. How did he know about those letters? How did he know I fell in love with her through that last one? How did he know I was in love with her at all?

"Apparently I can", I replied.

"It's an infatuation", he stated impatiently.

"How do you know?" I asked him impulsively, seeing how I saw that question written all over my best friends' faces sometimes.

"How do _you_ know different?" he countered. I decided not to confront him on this any longer.

"She's with me, Potter. Stay away from her"

"Or what?" I really was fed up with him. "I'm already her friend. If she wants me around, you can't say anything to stop her"

"Oh, I don't think so. She trusts me over anyone else. She won't go near you if I say so", he tried to appear menacing, apparently not realizing the only thing I saw him as was a scrawny kid I never talked to and barely knew existed.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because your voice is shaking; you know I'm right"

Alright, so maybe he was getting to me. Just a little bit.

"You don't honestly think I'm just going to give up on her"

"No, you're a Gryffindor Potter. That means you'll stubbornly fight for her even when you don't stand a chance" Had it slipped his mind that Lily was in Gryffindor too?

"She has her own mind. Just because you say something doesn't mean she'll do it"

"You are six feet deep in illusions Potter. She is an entirely different person from the one you knew" – with that sentence he managed to frighten me more than anything else had ever done. "Let go of the fantasy, for your sake and hers. The Lily you knew is gone".

* * *

"… But she still skates" I said for the hundredth time, hanging on to those four words with my fingernails.

I was pacing in front of a sofa in the common room, where three boys and two girls were sitting apparently anxious to get away.

"She goes to the lake every day, every winter; that's what she said"

"We know" said Remus, sounding tired – I guessed it wasn't just because of the full moon. But I made no excuses; I was afraid that if I weren't obsessed with the situation I would've given up long ago.

"She is herself, I know it! I see it-"

"We know", muttered Street sounding just as tired.

I turned to look at them, finally.

"You've all given up" and it was Peter of all people to reply to that statement.

"Look, you haven't been trying for as long as we have, James. It's been-"

"What? No- Shut it, Pettigrew", said Adams before getting up and barely looking at me in the eyes, though she was clearly addressing me.

"Look. You shouldn't expect too much. Even if we did manage to get her memory back, she still might not want to be with you", she spoke the words as though she were trying to tell me my kneazle had died.

"Nice, Street," snapped Sirius.

"I'm just being sincere! You weren't there, you – you didn't see it" She faltered and behind her the other four weren't looking at me.

"The first few months were terrible for her. Amongst the things she had forgotten was her entire academic career and she was struggling. For the first time in her life she was struggling in class and she looked broken. The Slytherins, of course, used every chance they could get to make her more miserable and since none of us could've helped her, Logan was the only one with her through all of it.

"If you want her to know the truth, it's got to be the whole truth. And that means - that means that she would remember everything he did for her".

She looked me in the eye and I understood. To put it plainly, Lily had always been a sucker for kindness and by going along with my original plan; I was risking losing her entirely...

* * *

"… It was level eight for Merlin's sake!"

"It was level nine! I heard that witch clearly"

"Well, obviously not clearly enough, since you don't know where we are!" Lily snapped. We had been standing for ten minutes arguing inside the weird circular room with the spinning doors, not knowing where to go from there.

"Explain to me why you thought the library was still down here after the lift person said 'Department of Mysteries'. That was clearer than anything"

"Well, on no other level did the voice say 'Library'!" I snapped. "It could've been here just as well".

"Right", Lily muttered and walked closer to one of the doors, passing by and observing each one.

This was going great. We were stuck in what was probably the weirdest, most confusing, place in Britain; Lily was angry with me; we didn't know when we were going to get out; we hadn't got to the library… This was just great. There had to be some charm to get a message to someone outside. And if there was, then Lily would surely know about it.

I turned around to ask her and started when I saw her. She was standing transfixed outside of one of the doors. "Lily". She didn't reply. I walked closer, panicking very slightly; was that door's purpose driving people mad? Lily didn't need more brain damage… When I stood right next to her and got a good look at her, I became somehow more worried. Her dark red hair was over her face. Her chest was rising and falling as she took deep breaths, like she was breathing in the door itself.

"Lily"

She turned to look at me, her eyes filled with – there was no doubt about it – love.

It was intoxicating. Her eyes looking at me like that… She was beautiful. She was everything. I couldn't help it. I'd never felt more love than when I was looking at her face in that moment. I had to be closer… and then I did it. I kissed Lily Evans for the first time in my life. It was the best thing in the world. And then I realized I'd ruined everything.

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**AN:** it's unbetad, so forgive me. Also, for not updating in years, literally. I keep starting fics and getting to dead ends… It's happened hundreds of times, but this fic actually has a plot and a planned ending… So, I decided to push myself into writing this, even though it doesn't seem too good as I've got better at writing since last time I put something up here and this seems ridiculous now. I'm doing this just for kicks. And I'm running through it – if you were wondering why the chapter seems rushed… it's mostly a mesh-up of ideas I found in the folder I have for this story.


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